How My Neighbors Became My Family

It has been a year since I moved to Istanbul, Turkey. This country is home to some of the most mysterious, well-built historical sites in the world.

Mystery and structural integrity are exactly what I want in a home. A well-built structure with decent insulation and neighbors I know nothing about. Talking to neighbors and forging a sense of community are all fine and good. But in an apartment building, after the front door closes, information sharing should cease.

At first glance, Istanbul is a modern city indistinguishable from other European cities. People from all over come here for a purpose — to work, to open a restaurant, to pursue passions in the arts, to make it big.

After a year, I’m having a second glance. It is a city becoming overcrowded, struggling to keep up with rapid growth. None of that changes what is great about Istanbul. It does, however, make certain aspects of life here more difficult.

One difficulty I face is maintaining my sanity living in an apartment here. I’m used to apartment life. I’ve lived in them for most of my life. When my family did live in a house, it was my whole family. Grandparents, aunt, two cousins, mom, and sister. What we had was an apartment building where you got a whooping if you made too much noise.

The driving force of my struggle with living in an Istanbul apartment is my perception of how apartment communities should operate. Where I’m from, apartments are for transitions. Broke newlyweds lived in them before they had kids or got a promotion. Single people would live in them as they plotted out their next few years. Families would live in them while they searched for a more suitable dwelling. People rarely stayed in apartments long-term.

That understanding of apartment living is not relevant to Istanbul.

What’s the main difference? The way apartment dwellers interact with each other. I’m used to people being friendly and nothing more. Everyone was content pretending they weren’t surrounded by 20–60 other people in the same building. The other side of your front door is your sanctuary. No one dared to upset that balance.

Yes, you will get noisy neighbors from time to time. Building quality varied based on the area you lived in. Sometimes you…